How a cat can scare you into passing out.

So, the other day I woke up tragically ill. I still had the migraine I had tried to sleep off and my stomach was making weird loopy movements. I opened my curtains as it was 11.30AM and time to take a couple of codeine and get well before I had to go to school for a rather important test, one that actually counts towards me passing the year.

As I opened my curtains I noticed my fathers car wasn't parked on the street as usual, I thought 'Oh, well he just abandoned his sick daughter for a while. All is swell. I will survive!' I went out to the lounge to find myself my school uniform. I came back and noticed a car I'd never seen before parked where dad's car is usually parked. I tried to tell myself this was normal. Maybe they were just visiting on of my neighbours, yeah, my neighbours are popular.

I waltzed out to the kitchen to find me some codeine to combat my pain. I heard a really loud crash in the laundry room. I freaked out as we always have that window open. My immediate thought was 'Oh shit, who ever is parked outside my house has broken in and I'm going to get raped' I began to shake, hyperventilate and then my vision went funny. My head was all light and filled with air, I was trying to walk to confront the potential rapist but I didn't make it far. I passed out after a few steps. I really deal with fear well. Same thing happened at the doctors, except I vomited on the nurse, then passed out.

Anyway, I regained consciousness. I was still shaking rather violently. I slowly dragged myself up and walked cautiously towards the laundry room, my legs barely holding me up. I got there and looked down at the ground. I felt like an idiot and although what had caused the noise was cute, the fear was still making me shake and feel dizzy.

The crash was nothing more than my retarded cat, who had been neglected to be fed, taking feeding into her own hands. She learnt that if she tossed the container of cat biscuits on the ground, off the ledge, the lid would fall off and there would be food everywhere. The sound of this mimics a rapist climbing them falling through a window.

I told my cat I hate her and went and took some codeine, got ready for school and ate a carrot.


Later my cat and I went to couples counseling. We're good now. It's okay.