Where my mind wanders

I often think about how strange everything is really, how pointless everything is. I think about life as a whole and just that alone is insane. Then I think about me and the scale of things. What am I going to do in life? You are born, you go to school, you get a job, you work to save money, you retire, you die. You are born to die. Sometimes I wonder, why me? Why was I given this chance to live? What am I going to do with it? My mind is overwhelmed with questions and thoughts. Then I wonder, will it all be worth it? Is it even worth going through with? In the scale of things, I'm so insignificant. I'm not going to leave a mark on the world. I'm not any different to the other billions who are just as insignificant as me. So why bother? I don't want children, I'm not leaving this world anything. Sometimes I wonder if I should just make the most of it now, live hard and fast and then just die at my own hand, happy. Is it worth the risk of letting life decide when I go and if I'll be content with what I've achieved? I'm just one tiny, insignificant speck in a world that in theory, shouldn't even exist. The statistical probability of it all means the fact I exist should be impossible. It's just so insane. Then my train of thought changes. Yes, I'm insignificant, I'm not going to make a mark on the universe, but I look at what I have. I have a family that loves me, a beautiful cat who is my world, some pretty amazing friends and the most wonderful boyfriend I could ever ask for. Suddenly, I don't care that my existence will amount to nothing of significance, I just know that I exist and while I'm here, I should enjoy everything I have and love it, after all, it is statistically impossible and that makes it all the more amazing.